A Life that was lived unselfishly

In an unpublished interview, the following words were printed in response to a question by an editor to an artist.

The question was -

’Of everything you have done what would you most like to be remembered for and why? ‘

And the answer given was

’That I was not intentionally hurtful to any person or living creature on this planet. That I created something that made the world in which we live just a little bit nicer to live in. When people who have bought my art tell me they love it, or that it makes them happy, I am overwhelmed with joy. I feel like that is my purpose – to bring some happiness and good vibes. Creating is my raison de’tre’.

This artist fought for years on behalf of animals and the injustices meted out on those less able to defend themselves. He was always one who was fair and judged little though he exercised discernment as to who was best to mix with.

He was a vegetarian for 25 years and a vegan for 5. He would go on demonstrations to highlight the plight of animals. And he helped to illustrate various magazines dedicated to animals and to Mother Earth.

He loved old Hammer Horror films and Mr. Ed, the Talking Horse. Many have told me how he was a gentle soul and a person that they were privileged to have know.

Sadly though, He eventually succumbed to a long term mental illness after managing it with medication for 25 years.

He had many passions, dreams and a little dog that he loved dearly. After 16 years of loyal friendship, he had to put her to sleep under the advice of her veterinary surgeon. Her death became the focal point that would justify (in his mind) the taking of his life, "To be with her," as his final note was to read. However, it was his illness that took his life and not that little now-asleep dog. He died from a pain in his mind, he did not die as one who simply ended his life. Our love ones should never be defined by a one-off, never to be repeated act.

He would have once most likely been at peace in the world, he would have enjoyed the things which brought him pleasure, he laughed and he cried. He loved and he was loved and is loved still. He would have had moments of joy as too moments of pain; moments of disharmony. BUT…he would have shared all of these facets of life just like you and me. I feel that I should honour his memory as a fellow traveller on this earth and that I should honour his life as I try to honour all who have ended their lives.

When I hear stories about loss, I instantly feel connected to those people who are gone and especially to those who remain. Their pain becomes my pain. Their stories become my story, integrated and interwoven in the fabric that connects us all here.

But I digress….

Growing up for this artist was a world filled with laughter and love, a world of fantasy that was peopled with beautiful little creatures, some scary but with a persona that could only cause one to smile. His art showed us his Inner World of Innocence. But when he was about twenty three years old, his mother died from an illness that was lost in the battle for healing. This was a very devastating event and one that coincided with the early onset of his mental illness. But he still gave of himself that others might gain a better life.

In his art, he gave his critters life, love and laughter. Somewhere out there in a place beyond this world, these critters truly do exist, well that it my belief anyway.

He was a son and the oldest of three boys.

When he was around the age of 28, he fell deeply in love. As he neared the 30 years mark of that relationship, things began to worsen in his mind. Circumstances caused him to go off his medication as a new one was sought. Covid squashed him seeing a psychiatrist to be placed on new medication. He could not cope with all the stressors that were beginning to mount up.

And so, one night he was found and he was gone from this world. A lesson here for those who demonize medication. His brothers never learned of his death until some 7 to 8 days later (an unfortunate mistake in communication by the police).

How devastating to hear that their brother was gone from their life. Their hearts broke that day as they grappled with the reality that they would never again see him (at least in this life).

People began to post things on-line that were more speculative than akin to Truth. And his partner hurt in a way that words fail to convey. However, they found the strength to take these people to task (though with much difficulty, given that they were coming to terms with their own grief for a partner now gone.)

People used the words Selfish and Irresponsible unthinkingly, whilst others used phrases such as "he chose to end his life." They missed the point and such judgments showed that they did not know him. Maybe they were grieving but that didn’t override the pain that they caused, both to his partner and his brothers.

If he was Selfish and yet he gave that answer as to how he would like to be remembered, then I think we should all be Selfish. Such a dismissive term to employ to define a person who simply sought peace in their now-disharmonious internal life.

Some used that Ill-informed phrase, "a permanent solution to a temporary problem," in their misplaced attempt to minimize the situation, whilst overlooking the fact that for this artist, he just wanted to, nay, he needed to end his pain.

How did l learn all this about an artist known in certain circles only? An artist with a niche following?

Because l found him - and l was his partner for 30 years.

He was not selfish. He was my beautiful soul mate and confidant and losing him (as too our little dog 6 weeks prior) was to lose my family. Without them, I still feel so alone. Without him, I walk about alone, I no longer have him to talk with as I once did on a daily basis, or to watch our favourite films together or to walk our little dog. All that we did is now a memory only.

It is so hard to share this little story but if it makes folks understand how a loss to suicide affects us who survive, then l have achieved part of my aim. And If it can make people appreciate how the loss of a partner who was gay is so crushing and more so when devalued, and if it breaks down the stigma that folk of the Rainbow Community often experience, then l have achieved the other part of that same aim.

What is that aim?
To make a valiant attempt to take Suicide out of the Winter Shadows. By doing so, maybe the Light that comes forth will cause some people to think about this in a new and more educated way.

Suicide is a complex issue and we must be brave to understand it.

Thank you kindly for taking the time to listen.

I appreciate it more than I can convey to you.